eternal wondering
this'll probably be a short one. since i dunno what i'm really writing. i had an idea of what to write this afternoon but i'm not sure i'm gonna remember it. well lets find out.
well i know my posts usually center on venting of some sort, dont really think this is one of them, more like an introspective airing. the eternal quest for finding love draws on. i think i've kinda resolved myself to the 'it'll happen when it happens' type thing. i dont really see the active persuance working out. and it makes me feel 'odd' odd as in uncomfortable. i dont really like to be the one persuing. and i recently got off of a relationship where i was more than actively persued. i dont like feeling like a prize trophy after a hunt. and i dont like feeling like a hunter. for some reason it doesnt seem real natural. to me a relationship, a truly good one happens either all of a sudden or over time between friends. its something that blossoms, and cant be forced to blossom. yeah sure i know relationships take work, but i think that the start of them happens with a spark. and usually unintended.
its odd as i settle into the comfort of knowing that love will find me when it wants to, i keep getting the sense that my mom wants me to find it more and more. and i even have suspected she's tryin to point me in a specific direction. then again i tend to read into things so i'm never sure. but she's made some comments that caused me to cock my head. for instance once after the last relationship she was talkin bout age differences and then said something to the effect of "you need someone whose like 28" pretty specific age....happens to be the age of someone at church. then last sunday, i finally heard something i never thought i'd hear..... "i'm never gonna have grandkids" i was literally speechless. thinkin "wha?!" where'd that come from? then same church service, we go down to the alter (all the women mothers day stuff) and she looks at a woman named Lolita, (the mother of same said guy) and goes "she doesnt have grandkids either" or something along those lines. lol i almost laughed. i didnt even think mom woulda approved of this guy, (he's half white) and now this? i mean is this some kind of subtle hint? cuz it suuuuuure felt like one. which is cool because he's cute, and an awesome guy and i thought about askin him out before this last relationship. anyways i think thats all for tonight.
well i know my posts usually center on venting of some sort, dont really think this is one of them, more like an introspective airing. the eternal quest for finding love draws on. i think i've kinda resolved myself to the 'it'll happen when it happens' type thing. i dont really see the active persuance working out. and it makes me feel 'odd' odd as in uncomfortable. i dont really like to be the one persuing. and i recently got off of a relationship where i was more than actively persued. i dont like feeling like a prize trophy after a hunt. and i dont like feeling like a hunter. for some reason it doesnt seem real natural. to me a relationship, a truly good one happens either all of a sudden or over time between friends. its something that blossoms, and cant be forced to blossom. yeah sure i know relationships take work, but i think that the start of them happens with a spark. and usually unintended.
its odd as i settle into the comfort of knowing that love will find me when it wants to, i keep getting the sense that my mom wants me to find it more and more. and i even have suspected she's tryin to point me in a specific direction. then again i tend to read into things so i'm never sure. but she's made some comments that caused me to cock my head. for instance once after the last relationship she was talkin bout age differences and then said something to the effect of "you need someone whose like 28" pretty specific age....happens to be the age of someone at church. then last sunday, i finally heard something i never thought i'd hear..... "i'm never gonna have grandkids" i was literally speechless. thinkin "wha?!" where'd that come from? then same church service, we go down to the alter (all the women mothers day stuff) and she looks at a woman named Lolita, (the mother of same said guy) and goes "she doesnt have grandkids either" or something along those lines. lol i almost laughed. i didnt even think mom woulda approved of this guy, (he's half white) and now this? i mean is this some kind of subtle hint? cuz it suuuuuure felt like one. which is cool because he's cute, and an awesome guy and i thought about askin him out before this last relationship. anyways i think thats all for tonight.
posted by Cross at 6:24 PM
1 Comments:
LOL yeah well she did it again. last night "never gonna have grandkids"
*shakes head*
Post a Comment
<< Home