moving on, forward...whatever

ok, well that last post was rather depressing. but i needed to get it out. ok. as you can tell from this title. i'm moving on. recent events have taught me something and made me come to a realization i didnt think i needed. and although it came with some pain. i'm grateful for it. and am looking forward actually. lemme explain. for the longest while when it came to my romantic life, well lets just say its been non-existant. and just recently i realized why. i hadn't really thought myself capable of truly loving like i had in the past, i slowly began to believe that for some reason or another i either didnt need someone or i would never have what i had before, so whats the real use in looking? i hadnt even realized how it had worn me down how i had come to view this all. or why things havent worked or i havent felt the need to pursue something strong enough. until just this week i hadn't known exactly how much i had given up


thinking i wouldnt find the same kind of feelings for someone else like i did five/six years ago. perhaps even that i didnt either need or deserve someone to love me like that again. now though....last night, i see things differently. i know different. i've seen and coem to realize that there is someone out there for me, that i can feel again. i can see the path. well the beginning of it anyways. nearly since the fifth grade i KNEW what i was supposed to do in my life with regards to a career. i had never really struggled to find out what i was meant to do in that area. but i have neclected the rest of my life, my personal life. i've never seen that path, never really sought it, well havent sought it truly for nearly six years. not knowing what its like to not know what to do, i wasnt used to it and didnt want to deal with it. sometimes a push is needed. and consider me pushed. and i'm thankful for it. i'm motivated, i want this, i feel almost emboldened to go for it.

yeah we learn our finest lessons the hard way, but with pain comes strength. so heres to new paths, new goals and seeing things for the first time, and praying for the continued strength to keep at it. i've partially resolved to do something this weekend, lets hope this courage stays.