The Ups & Downs of M&M's

eternal wondering

2006-05-16T18:24:00.000-07:00

this'll probably be a short one. since i dunno what i'm really writing. i had an idea of what to write this afternoon but i'm not sure i'm gonna remember it. well lets find out.

well i know my posts usually center on venting of some sort, dont really think this is one of them, more like an introspective airing. the eternal quest for finding love draws on. i think i've kinda resolved myself to the 'it'll happen when it happens' type thing. i dont really see the active persuance working out. and it makes me feel 'odd' odd as in uncomfortable. i dont really like to be the one persuing. and i recently got off of a relationship where i was more than actively persued. i dont like feeling like a prize trophy after a hunt. and i dont like feeling like a hunter. for some reason it doesnt seem real natural. to me a relationship, a truly good one happens either all of a sudden or over time between friends. its something that blossoms, and cant be forced to blossom. yeah sure i know relationships take work, but i think that the start of them happens with a spark. and usually unintended.

its odd as i settle into the comfort of knowing that love will find me when it wants to, i keep getting the sense that my mom wants me to find it more and more. and i even have suspected she's tryin to point me in a specific direction. then again i tend to read into things so i'm never sure. but she's made some comments that caused me to cock my head. for instance once after the last relationship she was talkin bout age differences and then said something to the effect of "you need someone whose like 28" pretty specific age....happens to be the age of someone at church. then last sunday, i finally heard something i never thought i'd hear..... "i'm never gonna have grandkids" i was literally speechless. thinkin "wha?!" where'd that come from? then same church service, we go down to the alter (all the women mothers day stuff) and she looks at a woman named Lolita, (the mother of same said guy) and goes "she doesnt have grandkids either" or something along those lines. lol i almost laughed. i didnt even think mom woulda approved of this guy, (he's half white) and now this? i mean is this some kind of subtle hint? cuz it suuuuuure felt like one. which is cool because he's cute, and an awesome guy and i thought about askin him out before this last relationship. anyways i think thats all for tonight.

different people

2006-05-09T10:24:00.000-07:00

i suppose the world takes all kinds of people, but why must some irritate and have no sense of others around them. or do and just dont care? recently i had to deal with one of the ones that just plan dont care about hurting other people. and for the life of me i cant understand that kind of mentality. the mindset where someone intentionally spreads rumors, where they know it'll hurt someone and they do it for that sole purpose. where they actually want to inflict emotional pain. and then make themselves out to be the victim?! its such a load of crap that it rubs against every justice minded thinker. to think that its ok to inflict pain, to plot and to seek out ways to hurt someone else all because at some point they 'felt' offended by something. and its usually by something thats so absurdly useless that it has no bearing on REAL life whatsoever.

the eye for an eye mentality is what will eventually make the whole world blind. and its time people stopped being so childish and finally acted like the adults that they legally are. and yes i have little to no patience with people who think they can bully other people around, who issue threats and think it makes them endearing and solidifies their 'cause' what kind of warped logic is that? the kind of an insecure child who wants attention and feels the need to play the victim. well sorry if this is blunt but thats CRAP. and i cant tolerate it. i did for a while but i cant anymore. the stupid insipid ramblings and chatter from the insecure and self-absorbed hold no water anymore. they are simply that....a means for attention and yes a pathetic means of getting attention. to think that you are so important to warrant the pain of others is beyond my comprehension. and gets no pity from me. i forgive the past and wrongs done to me. but forgiving and ignoring are different things. i wont hold past wrongs over someone but i also will not blind myself to their continued behavior. forgive forget but ever aware.

these kinds of people dont care about how what they do effects other peoples lives. they dont care that they destroy trust. because they refuse to deal with the aftermath. fine by me. i'll happily clean things up, and then prevent it from happening again. because if theres one thing i would loathe to become, is one of them. and i'll do whatever it takes to ensure that never happens. unlike them i care about how people are effected. i care about the brokenness and the fragility left in the wake. i've seen people devastated, i've seen people broken by others, and i cant fathom doing that to someone else. to destroy a person is work, and you know and can see it happening all the way along. and whover finds joy in something like that.....well their no friend of mine. i have come close before i knew what buttons to push, what to say to make someone fold and give in, and i stopped myself the moment i knew i could. because it felt horrible. utterly horrible. and to think that someone likes that? *shudders* my mom has talked about breaking children, how its a delicate balance between discipline and destruction. and i've seen the line i've seen other people use it. and its sickening.

theres nothing more important than the next persons individuality, and their personal self worth. and i hate to see it ripped apart piece by piece. its wrong on every level. yes some of you know what i'm talking about. and know that i've held this in for quite a while. and i'm happy to say that after the past week or so, its so much lighter. theres no hovering cloud, and i feel no anger or pain or lingering fear. because the teeth have been ripped out of the problem for me, my view has changed and i see now empty threats and a lot of hot air. wow this got long. i blame barak for that.

sighs

2006-03-20T11:01:00.000-08:00

waking up SUCKS. i'm just saying. but people really need a button or something to push that would instantly wake us up. that would make life sooooo much easier. SOOOO much easier. as it is it takes me like 2 hours before i can call myself awake. and no i'm not yet awake.

hmmmm what to post what to post....i have noooooo idea......well that should make this interesting then. argh well thats annoying. stupid 'spamming is not allowed' i AINT SPAMMIN! i'm posssssssting..ugh how can i even with my connection?! arggghhh

well church was good yesterday. had the teen challenge choir over. always interesting when they come. to hear how God has and is saving them from their addictions. but i'll be glad when pastor speaks again. its kinda a bummer when we have guests. you get sooo much out of his messeges. ........ok i'm really bored now.

borrred booored booored bored bored.......

and waiting sucks. in general it sucks. i know everything is in God's timing. but waiting still sucks. it makes your mind overactive.

boredom mixed with curiousity

2006-02-09T18:56:00.000-08:00

ok yes i am super uberly bored. and thats why i'm typing here. ok ever wonder....if you've been in this position or could be that is........how far you can up a price on a commission before someone looks at it and says "eww no your not worth that much" ? my prices are pretty low, mainly because i never know what to charge so i just throw out a low number. and thats because i dont know how much someone would be willing to pay for something of mine. and i dont wanna toss out a higher number thinkin that they'll feel gouged. i just upped my price by 20 bucks and no ones complained yet. of course its only 30 bucks. but this is all the money i get, so i wonder how much i could charge. there are some things i'd like to get, and some things i need done, and would like to pay for it myself. ugh i dunno this is turnin into a ramble. and i suppose this question is mostly rhetorical. but i kinda wanna know. ya know?

arrrrrgggh

2006-02-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

ok maybe not ........but then again maybe it is. its up to you to think about it. but this has been on my mind recently. and i know its been on some others as well. but i'm fed up with it. i'm tired and i need to voice it. because its just not right. people are so scared of religion and faith that they go to any lengths to shut someone who might merely mention God up. and its not fair. why should my voice be restricted because i mention God in a secular world?

this stems from a particular experience recently. i play in an rpg, on a secular board. and on that same board i have a Christian thread, well APPARENTLY i'm not allowed to mention God anywhere else than in that one thread. my character in the rpg brought God up, and said that it was painful to be apart. i didnt say whose god and its not the same god. but oh no.....i got jumped on because of it. told to 'tone it down' 'cut it out' and yet, pagan gods, ceremonies, angels and demons are mentioned in the very same rpg without a single word! and yet i have to keep quiet and it out of the character development? why?! because i'm openly Christian?! yeah that makes sense. you believe something so therefore you have to shut it up. because i read something into it and felt 'uncomfortable'. how is that even right?! i was told that that stuff should be kept on sundays and sundays alone. or in the Christian topic alone. what.....no ones heard of freedom of speech? or is it only free when it doesnt involve God? because that seems to be the case.

why must we be relegated to the back? why do we have to keep our mouths shut about what we believe because someone might be offended? well they offend me! but i cant dare say that. oh no. then i'd be labeled extreme, or backwoods. or stubborn. well i'm sorry if i believe what i do and want people to see that i do. i'm sorry if they felt maddened because i happen to mention God and be a Christian all at the same time........oh wait.......no i'm not. its my faith its my right its MY voice. i dont hamper them, i dont tell them to keep whatever they believe on a shelf. i dont restrict them. and yet i'm supposed to sit back and take it? because if i speak up, if i speak outside the box assigned to me, i'm an outcast. i'm pushing my faith on someone. i'm badgering them. would they have said anything if i wasnt an open Christian? the cold answer is..........no. they wouldnt. they never said anything to anyone else about a representation of faith in the game. they admitted to not even having thought about it. but the moment i say something. bam. tone it down. cut it out.

i'm not mad i understand the thinking behind it. but what i am is fed up. fed up with the double standard, tired of being oppressed because it 'might' rub the wrong way. other people dont care if their beliefs offend me. and yet, i sit quietly by, and object only slightly. no. its wrong. its just wrong. i have to keep my thoughts and views in check while the rest of the world runs rampant. if my faith tells me to speak I WILL SPEAK. if my faith tells me to be proud of it I WILL BE PROUD. if i'm told to let my light shine IT WILL SHINE. no i wont force my faith on someone. i never have. never forced them to believe or even listen. and yet thats what i get accused of. never forced them to read into it what they did. it was their choice. and i have to pay the price. tell me..........is that right? no.

why must Christians be force into silence? why do we allow it? why hide what we are?

i'm tired, i'm frustrated and i'm not happy with myself for allowing them to walk over me. and quiet my voice

looong time no posty

2006-01-30T18:57:00.000-08:00

hehe seems to be par for the course for me. muhahaah. yes its a combo of laziness and not really having much to say. and i dont realllllllly have much to say this time either but i've been bugged by someone who shall remain nameless. *coughreddcough*

ok well, our new pastor has been in place for about two months and i must say i'm loving it. theres an energy and feeling that hasnt been in church for soooooo long. its amazing, can't wait for each service. more people are coming, its awesome. you can tell he has a passion for the Word and the south bay area. and he wont mince words which one might think would offend people but it doesnt, it just makes us want more. God's really working there and its almost tangible. a feeling that you cant really put into words but just want to share with everyone else. so i am. :P things there just seem to have a new life, and many things are takin shape that should have long ago. things are changing, people arent focused on who someone else is but rather you can tell its one big family. everyone working together, no overshadowing problems or anything.

and my mentor/friend has picked up the pace with training mr for teaching........and leading. and i think that leading bit scares me more than standin in front on high schoolers and teachin them. i mean i want to, i know i can but the idea that it might happen i dunno... i guess its humbling, frightening and cool all at the same time. looking over a possible curriculem for the program now, then its onto writing up a real proposal. she talked about my ideas with the pastor and said he was very interested. so heres to keepin the C.A's in prayer. we'll see what happens

moving on, forward...whatever

2005-10-27T17:57:00.000-07:00

ok, well that last post was rather depressing. but i needed to get it out. ok. as you can tell from this title. i'm moving on. recent events have taught me something and made me come to a realization i didnt think i needed. and although it came with some pain. i'm grateful for it. and am looking forward actually. lemme explain. for the longest while when it came to my romantic life, well lets just say its been non-existant. and just recently i realized why. i hadn't really thought myself capable of truly loving like i had in the past, i slowly began to believe that for some reason or another i either didnt need someone or i would never have what i had before, so whats the real use in looking? i hadnt even realized how it had worn me down how i had come to view this all. or why things havent worked or i havent felt the need to pursue something strong enough. until just this week i hadn't known exactly how much i had given up

thinking i wouldnt find the same kind of feelings for someone else like i did five/six years ago. perhaps even that i didnt either need or deserve someone to love me like that again. now though....last night, i see things differently. i know different. i've seen and coem to realize that there is someone out there for me, that i can feel again. i can see the path. well the beginning of it anyways. nearly since the fifth grade i KNEW what i was supposed to do in my life with regards to a career. i had never really struggled to find out what i was meant to do in that area. but i have neclected the rest of my life, my personal life. i've never seen that path, never really sought it, well havent sought it truly for nearly six years. not knowing what its like to not know what to do, i wasnt used to it and didnt want to deal with it. sometimes a push is needed. and consider me pushed. and i'm thankful for it. i'm motivated, i want this, i feel almost emboldened to go for it.

yeah we learn our finest lessons the hard way, but with pain comes strength. so heres to new paths, new goals and seeing things for the first time, and praying for the continued strength to keep at it. i've partially resolved to do something this weekend, lets hope this courage stays.

love comes easily.......spent

2005-10-11T18:27:00.000-07:00

ugh. man am i emotionally spent. and oh so frustrated. my mind has been all over the place this past weekend. and one thing, well maybe more than one, hit me today. i guess it's time was overdue. i've ignored the issue for so long. but i tend to do that, then something happens that forces my attention to it. forces me to face my emotions, forces me to deal with what i dont want to. i dont pay much attention to my lonliness often. i dont like to. no duh. who does. but occasionally......very rarely it hits me. and doubts hit me. doubts about romance. and love. i've gone so long without someone, without being close to someone. since the last relationship, i've avoided it for awhile this i know. but once it hits, when i actually feel again, i'm faced with some of the same realizations. that it isn't meant to work. that once again i find myself turning my back on it. its the right thing to do i know. it was the last time too.

but today i was thinking about that. and i realized, just how tired i am. am i forever destined to have to face this with each heartfelt feeling? will i always have to turn away and leave my feelings behind? yeah its what needs to be done. i understand that. but why is it the pattern for my life. i've always believed that theres one person for everyone, that you may love many but theres one your meant to spend your life with. today, i seriously doubted that for me. am i meant to live a single life forever? and if i'm goin through these experiences in preperation for something to come, do i reaaally want to face it? or is it a way of letting me know what love feels like? so that when it comes i'll know. but i fear that by then i'll be hardened even more. for fear of it turning out like the rest. i've been called frigid already in my life. and i know how things can mold me. it took far too long last time before i even wanted to think about dating someone.

yeah these things strengthen me. but just how much strengthening do i need? and when will the day come when i dont have to be strong? when theres someone there being strong for me? i'm glad i have the strength i do, i thank God for it. but, it tires. it fades. it's.....wearing. i've always been the one people lean on. thats awesome. but i long for the day when i have a husband to lean against. who will hold me and be my strength. i've tasted how it could be, i've felt that kind of love. and i ache for it. i ache for the one great love of my life. i need it desperately. i stay strong for my own benefit, but its cracking. each day that passes and no hope on the horizon. the strength is cracking. God is with me, i know and feel that. but, honestly, i need what i know my heart wants. things get to be nearly depressing, i've seen my friends get married. seen couples meet. rediscover eachother. and then i look beside me, and no ones there. no ones there to hold my hand. to bring my close. to make me strong. to fill this gap in my heart.

where's my other half? does one even exist? oh God please, just tell me. please tell me...

hmmmmmmm what tooo post?

2005-08-24T17:54:00.000-07:00

wellll....i was told to post here. and i'm here. i have no idea what to post though.

well this past week i did have a friend come visit. and i must say it was AWEEEESOME. it was the first time we met, (in person) but i sure hope its not the last. the whole week rocked. we went up to aspen comics studio. hung out there and caused some mischief. then went to the beach. the next day Peter came by the house and took us both to the getty (art museum) then out for dinner. where they both forced me to try sushi. ......well i tried it. dont' think i will again though. ok wait maybe the eel. that was actually pretty good. and the ice cream too. yeah. lets see saturday was my dads b-day. but we did fit a trip to a local rancho in there. sunday was church of course, and inbetween the morning service and night service we went to the zoo. all in all pretty busy but tons of fun. and i MISS HER!!! andria move out here!!!

ok hmmmm what else can i write..... nope.....drawin a blank.....

BEYOND boredom

2005-07-11T11:18:00.000-07:00

ok aspen is down.......again...*SOBS* man i'm sooooo gonna go through withdrawl. *begins to twitch* stupid maintnance. *cries* and whats worse some people can get on!!!!!! *mumbles* this soooooooo sucks...

did i mention this sucks?

the 21st

2005-05-03T10:28:00.000-07:00

ok someeee of you know the awesome news i got the other day. and yes i'm still keepin it quiet because i don't wanna ruin my chances. cuz this opportunity is a once in a lifetime type thing. and doesn't happen very often at all. so specifics are shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i will say this though. just found out the first date. may 21. woooooooooottttttttttttttt!!!! gives me a few weeks to see where the place actually is so i dont get lost. cuz believe me that entirely possible. i've been in that city before.... *sits and waits impatiently

never woulda thought

2005-04-26T10:41:00.000-07:00

ok, i can't believe i'm actually thinkin about this but i am. for the first time in my life i'm thinking about doing something that i NEVER would have imagined myself doing before. what is it you may ask? nothing dirty so stop thinking that!! geeeeshhhhhhhh.... people these days......... actually i'm seriously considering takin up a sunday school class or Bible study. and not as a student. i already got one of both in that vein, but i've been mulling over the idea of leading one. which shocks me, because i never even imagined i would want to. but i kinda do. something has been puttin it on my mind lately. i'm not sure yet if its the Spirit or if its just me. so until i know i'm not goin to go to the pastor with my ideas. and i'd prefer to actually research some stuff first anyways. and i actually have an idea or two as to what i'd like to teach! i don't know which is more shocking the fact that i'm thinking about this or the fact that i have an idea of where i'd go with it.
i've even narrowed it down to a couple of topics and their kinda inter-related. i've been thinkig either a new believers class, kinda giving the fundalmentals of Christianity, or something along the lines of defending Christianity. kinda like the facts of Christianity and the logical views to it. showing how it stands the test of time, history, logic, and science. or perhaps something like where Jesus would stand on the issues of today.

ugh, i still don't believe i'm thinkin bout this...

Check it out

2005-02-26T10:29:00.000-08:00

this is something i totally didn't expect. coming out of best buy yesterday i ran into my old high school tennis coach! imagine that. she and her sister coached us all through high school, well apparently now their just coaching the badminton team but their still there. so after some catchin up, she asked me to come up with a new logo for the badminton team, payin and all. well i gotta say i NEVER thought i'd be designing another logo for that school. lol i've done so many panthers for them, teams, yearbook... hehehehe and i never really thought i'd be goin back there, but looky here! i am. lol hehehehe well it sure is nostalgic.

And Boredom sets in

2005-02-19T19:27:00.000-08:00

yes again..... but i can't help it!!! i bore easily and often. and am not motivated enough to entertain myself. but its not my problem....heehe ohhhh nooooooo its yours! yup! cuz i'm not the one who has to put up with me being bored. you are! muahahahhhahahahahahahh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so enter the inordanant supply of rambling......the boards are more than slow, allll of them are. so read and weep, or laugh i dont' care at this point. in fact right about now i'd be entertained watching lint float through the air. *looks for some*

and oh reddrop!!! email ain't workin (well actually its just being annoyingly slow) sooooooo *FWAP!!!!!!!!*

A peak inside part one

2005-02-14T11:39:00.000-08:00

ok this is a rare glimpse inside my mind. i don't do this often unless i feel like i need to.

ok, you all know i don't take myself too seriously, because quite frankly whats the point? however, through out my life i've been accused of being detached, aloof, not serious enough, and probably some have thought me uncaring. lol at least i'm aware of it all. but to dispell these thoughts, should they ever arise in your contact with me. you need to get inside my head. (its dangerous but worth it)

so instead of assuming you care enough i'll just go ahead and throw it out there. ok, lol wow just lost my train of thought....hang on.........arrgh this is soo annoying...shoot, well i'll start typin maybe it'll come back to me. anyways as far as the insensitive aloofness, i suppose that may come from the fact that i tend to jump from topic to topic, and the fact that when faced with trouble i get very very quiet. now, i jump from topic when a friend is hurting because i've found that laughter and distractions are often the best medicine. i see no real point to dwelling on whats saddening them, and often feel that if they want to talk about it they will. but until then i won't push it and would rather lift their spirits. now i get quiet because i tend to think A LOT. and when i think i don't tend to talk. so when i first hear serious news, i automatically shift into a thought mode. i don't need all the intricate details. so i go straight to thinkin about options of how to handle it all. i suppose thats where the misconception of being uncaring can come from too. *shrugs* like it matters. now i know that most of you already know this about me, but its something that i've felt i need to explain about myself.

shoot times runnin out on me, sooooooooooooo i'll write and post a continuation of this later on tonight. now please realize that even in this my seriousness only extends to the point of making myself clear and other than tryin to epxress myself this has nothing to do with anyone here.

FRAMED!

2005-02-12T19:05:00.000-08:00

ok today i found out that for the last 20 years i've been blamed for something i probably didn't even do. now i say probably because it does sound like something i'd do, but i woulda been three and don't recall it. so heres the deal. for years and years i've been told how i put a toy piano in the broiler, melted it and wrecked the broiler. mind you i have no memory to the fact. so today i find out that one of my two older cousins did the SAME thing at their house!! i sooooooo bet it was one of them. they were over here all the time growin up. and i certainly wouldn't touch the broiler......ooooooooo yeeeeahhhhh it was one of them.........

Me Want IDEASSSSS

2005-02-10T11:33:00.000-08:00

ok i'm gonna be doin two paintings for a silent auction scheduled for march. sooooooo i need ideas of what to paint. i prefer landscapes, i've done tropical, waterfalls, forests and beaches. i am willing to do those again but need specific ideas. so give them to me!!! think about what your favorite scenery is, what you'd want to buy. etc. but spout them off here

EVIL TUNA!

2005-01-05T17:47:00.000-08:00

ok, heres the deal i was makin lunch (first mistake) and we put tuna in the fetticini.....trust me its great. well i opened the can and was choppin up the tuna, and as i moved my hand over the can and it JUMPED up and cut me! the stupid can cut me!! so now i have this stupid cheap band aid on and i want a spongebob one my sis has. might hafta steal one...hehehee.........ok i'm done. really excitin stuff i know. aren't ya glad ya read it?

Brain burp number 1

2005-01-03T18:30:00.000-08:00

ok i had a great idea about something to write here......but then it left me and i can not remember it for the life of me!!!!! i hate that. happens too often too. i can go to the mall and know exactly what i wanna look at at the music store. but the second i walk into the store my mind goes blank. and writing it down does no good cuz i forget to bring the paper.... so i think i'll give up trying and just tell my sis everything and hope she remembers it. :) yeah that'll work..... although i really wish i could remember what i was gonna post here....*shrugs* maybe it'll come back. *hopes*

I'M TOO YOUNG TO FORGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wait a minute......what was i talkin about?

quick note

2004-12-20T18:09:00.000-08:00

ok just wanted to say it doesn't pay to be either the same height or a little shorter than the clothes rack in target. you can't see people and they tend to try and run you over with their carts!!!

do you ever really know?

2004-12-17T18:46:00.000-08:00

doubt it. but anyways, heres the deal. i finally got the chance to talk to this guy i like, went really well. talked for about 15 to 20 minutes, well on and off considering he was playing some Christmas music. but it was nice, even the moments of silence were nice, no awkward silences. so my real question is is there a way you can tell if someone is lookin at you from across the room? because i think he liked talkin to me, and the next day i was sitting up in the balcony workin a spot light, and he sits up there, when he left i thought he looked at me. i suppose this is one of those things that drives you nuts cuz ya hope he was lookin at you but theres no real way to tell. arrghh. romance and the hope there of sucks.......

the wonderfulness that is me

2004-12-07T18:10:00.000-08:00

ok, let's seeeeeee here......where to start, where to start..... hmmmmm wellllllll how bout yet another survey courtesy of Andria. man that girl has them all:

3 names you go by:
-Lori
-Cross
-LoriBeth

3 things you like about yourself:
-devotion
-trustworthy
-my abilities

3 things you hate about yourself:
-not very outgoin in person
-i can tend to repeat certain mistakes
-tendacy to trust people a little too much

3 things you don't understand:
-the double standard society tends to hold
-pure hate
-un-acceptance

3 things that annoy you:
-not being listened to
-ignorant judgements
-stupid biases

3 things that scare you:
-rising water
-loneliness
-emotional pain revisited

3 of your everyday essentials:
-paper (drawing)
-food
-sugar

3 of your favorite bands:
-U2
-no doubt
-the killers

3 of your fav. songs:
-vertigo
-somebody told me
- ummmmm.........thats all i can think of

3 people you spend the most time with:
-my sister
-myself
-ummmmmmm...........

3 things you can't do:
-abide blind stupidity
-cook (fire scares me)
-shut up when something needs to be said

3 of your fav hobbies:
-chatting
-rpg
-doing puzzles

3 things you can't wait to have:
-my own place
-a job in the comic business
-my own car

3 careers your considering:
-comic book artist
-" "
-muralist

3 colors you like:
-green
-blue
-black (yeah i know it's not "technically" a color)

3 places you would go on vacation:
-ireland
-michigan
-louisiana

3 things you just did today:
-woke up
-drew a pic
-ate lunch